lost
by ShadowWeaver29
Summary: she is not sure who she is, but she knows that maybe - just maybe - that everything might be okay as she takes his hand. (fem!harry, female harry, time travel, amnesiac!harry)


There's a faint breeze against her skin. It's the cool and fresh kind. She's not quite sure where she is... or anything really. The sun shines on her body and it casts a faint orange hue upon her surroundings as it begins to set. It's such a lovely orange, she thinks.

 **"Hello, my name is Briar Rose."**

 **"** ** _The_** **Briar Rose, the Girl-Who-Lived!" Flashes of a lanky red haired hair boy with freckles pop up in her vision. A crooked smile gracing his face as he rubs the back of his neck.**

It takes her but moments in order for her to process what she's seen and it hits her that she might know her name.

She tests it out hesitantly, " Briar Rose." It feels right as it slips out of her mouth yet she- Briar feels that it's not complete.

The girl - woman really - presses her hand against her chest and she can feel the pounding of her heart. It's deep and rapid. She's confused and frightened. It's a familiar feeling and-

 **F-**

 **A little girl screams due to the unbearable pain. Tears fall from her eyes as it mixes with the snot dripping from her nose.**

 **R-**

 **There's a searing pain that goes throughout her entire back and she shrivels into a ball - trying to withdrawal into herself.**

 **E-**

 **Her aunt is telling her to 'shut up' and that she is 'an abomination, just like Lily.' Petunia's face is red as she sets down the third poker and reaches for the fourth.**

 **A-**

 **The girl screams in terror as the woman shoves this one into her skin - fire spreads throughout her body and she is-**

 **K**

 **The blonde woman - her aunt - with an unnaturally long neck burns into her skin. It's hot and it burns so much-**

 **The little girl passes out with the words burned into her skin, a forever reminder that she is a FREAK.**

Briar is that little girl and she's a freak it seems.

But that's not right.

Her green eyes close and she thinks of the boy with bright blue eyes and he says:

Magic.

* * *

When she opens her eyes again, she is no longer in a forest. She's in a dark room and she can hear talking - mumbling to her dull hearing - _but-_

 **A cupboard with nothing but a ratty toddler mattress, a blanket, a broken light above her head,** ** _and-_**

The lights are on and she looks down at herself, she's strapped on a metal table and there's objects - knifes, scalpels, scissors, and more - on a smaller table to her right. There's nothing but a hospital gown on her body.

Click. Clack.

Her head whips to her right and a door is opened and in comes a man with blonde hair and a handsome, aristocratic face. There's a wickedness in the way his eyes gleam in the darkness.

 **He's Dumbledore's lov-**

"Such a fascinating creature are you. Not quite human, nor creature. You look and breath like a human." Then he's suddenly on top of her with his nose in the crook of her neck. "Yet- you smell like death." Briar can feel the razor sharp grin against her skin and her blood runs cold.

Death he says, but she is-

 ** _Use it well_** **. A fluid-like silky, silvery cloak.**

 ** _I open at the close._** **Out comes a jagged black stone as it's gripped in her left palm.**

 ** _Immensely powerful, dangerous in the wrong hands._** **Elder wood, fifteen inches long, and a Threstal-hair core.**

She comes to once again and his left hand is gripping her cheeks together and his eyes are wild and ferocious.

"Oh yes, I will tear you apart at your seams and put you back together and I will enjoy it." The tone he uses is full of truth and she has no doubt tat he will follow through with his words.

* * *

He keeps his word.

He tears her apart like she's a piece of paper - effortlessly with decisiveness - and she is powerless to stop him.

He's introduced her to tools - **_weapons_** \- she'd only heard whispers of. Her body remains in shambles until he sews her right together with a wand that sang to her core.

He's back again and he's asking questions she doesn't have answers to and-

Oh, that's new.

A beam of a fervid red exits his - **her** \- wand and she knows this feeling well.

" **Crucio!"**

 **The pain is insufferable and she screams like she's never screamed before because this is a new type of pain.**

 **"Let's duel!" Her first wand is given back to her by a man she recognizes as Malfoy.**

 **A cruel and wicked forms on a face.**

 **"Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!"**

Briar doesn't even scream as the spell collides in an eruption on her chest. Her body shakes and her eyes roll back and her jaw is stiff and unmoving.

When the spell stops, her body still shakes but her eyes move to him and his mask is in place. There's no telling what he could possibly be thinking.

"Amazing." His voice is full of wonder and she hates him for it. "Still aren't talking? A shame, really." There's false disappointment coloring his tongue as he talks. He paces in the room and his hands are held behind his back.

"You know, " he says as he turns to face her, "I will miss our little get-togethers. For you see, I will be gone for an unmeasurable amount of time for the foreseeable future. My men will come in every day from now on, until I'm back that is." He walks forward - towards her - and his arm stretches over to touch her face with a softness of a lover.

Briar wants to snarl, fight back, and more - but she would not do anything, he would not get a reaction out of her.

He pulls back with a dramatic sigh.

" Til then darling." And just like that he's gone. Her mind whirls with the possibilities of what this means.

Freedom.

 **Here lies Dobby, a Free Elf.**

* * *

Unlike him, they don't put her back together until they are completely done with what they want. She is a fascinating specimen to them, a new toy to play with.

They wore black clothing and on their backs was his **HER** symbol.

Then one day - she was actually paying attention - they brought in a little boy with eyes of molten gold and they _force_ her to watch as they _kill_ him.

He screams for a mother and his eyes lock with hers and she's struggling to get out of her bonds. She wants - _**needs**_ \- to help him.

 **A boy with bubblegum pink and blue raspberry colored hair laughs out and jumps into her arms.**

 **"Mom, I don't want to go..."**

 **"Mom, I'm sorry..."**

 **"Teddy! No!"**

 **green,** ** _soverygreen_** **and** ** _shekilledthemalll_**

With a single green beam, the boy is killed by a green beam of light. And she hears one say, " The witch is reacting." And she remembers one more thing.

 **"Yer' a witch, Briar!"**

And off goes her chains and there's magic in the air and wands pointed at her and then she moves.

(she is a golden flash as she strikes them down.)

(once all is said and done, she grabs the boy and cradles him in her arms as she lets herself mourn, scream and cry.)

With a wish on the tip of her tongue, she is _gone_.

* * *

The forest in which she finds herself in is full of beauty and she knows she's seen it before. There's green everywhere and the lake is moving but it's all so wrong-

 **A silver, glowing doe. A serpentine locket. A sword with an unworldly gleam to it.**

 **Coldness surrounded her, freezing her from within.**

 **Cold high pitched laughing.**

 **Choking on water and being dragged down.**

Briar drops to her knees and the child in her arms lays unmoving and cold, _so cold_. She keeps her eyes clenched and there is no tears as she buries the child with golden eyes.

"I'm so sorry..." Her voice is raw with emotion and she isn't sure what to do now so she sits in the shadow of a particularly large tree and eventually falls asleep.

She dreams of a boy with ever changing hair colors and golden eyes, his laughs, his love for her, and she can't help but think that he was _hers_.

When she woke up, she can't help herself as she ponders over the fact that this little boy could've been hers as well, but she was too late.

 _Like always_ , a voice whispers to her. Briar agrees.

It isn't until much later, does she realize that the voice was her own.

* * *

Briar wakes up to growling and when her eyes open, there is a large animal in front of her. It was hump backed and it's skin appeared to be tough. It's mouth seemed to be made up of tentacle-like appendages and it's eyes were fierce. It was covered in sharp spikes stained with red blood.

 **A Graphorn.**

As slowly as she possibly could, she raised herself with both her hands outwards in a universal sign of surrender as she bowed to the animal. She kept her eyes glued to the animal's own and waited for a signal - a sign. Then when she was sure that the animal was going to rush at her, it nodded its head and turned around.

She breathed a sigh of relief and sat back down. She closed her eyes and she heard a groan so she opened them.

The Graphorn was on the floor - sitting patiently - with it's head down and now that Briar sees it - **it's a girl because her spikes are arranged into rows** \- she can see that the animal is injured.

There is a large gaping hole on the girl's side and blood is pouring out of it. She took in the multiple scratches on her body and how her hind leg was mutilated.

"Do you want me to help you, girl?" The Graphorn is slow in her nodding and Briar knows that it's due to her cautious manner.

She goes to the animal and she _glows_.

* * *

It takes weeks before her new friend is up to travel safely without her and Briar is hesitant to let her go. The animal is the only thing keeping her alive at this point and if she leaves - then she's _dust_.

So when she relays that she could leave her as she's fully healed, she doesn't.

 _And isn't that a relief?_

The Graphorn was foolishly stubborn but she gave her hope and she wasn't sure _why_. So, it's not a surprise when she decides to name her Elpis.

Elpis had liked the name and awaited for her stoking when she informed her of her choice.

 **"How about Hedwig?" An owl bobbed her head enthusiastically as she preens under her attention.**

 **"Hedwig it is!"**

* * *

"Elpis, is everything alright?" Briar looked up to gaze into her eyes, but they were hardened. With a sweep of her magic, she knew why.

They had finally caught up to her and she had no idea what to do.

 **"It's all about intent when in comes down to basic building blocks of magic. It's not the incantation or the technique of how you move your wand. It's always been and will be intent."**

 **Eyes of glowing amber and a warm scarred face.**

"We have you surrounded. Come out now." It's a crackly voice that calls out to her. Her eyes roam over where the multitude of men.

Magic sizzles under her skin, ready to flee and attack. It's instinctual letting her magic out and there's a golden haze surrounding her body and beams of different colored light exit her body.

She springs forth and her smirk is as sharp as knives.

Elpis charges forward and down go the men.

She is quick and unseen as she enters the battle, she is a _flash_ of light and nothing more.

This, she knows how to do. It's in her blood and there's a _rush_ -

 **Air rarified and her hair is everywhere, but that rush-**

 **Arms hold her and spin her around and there's smiles all around and then hazel eyes stare into her eyes and a mouth is on her own-**

 **Spells flee from her wand and everyone is losing, but** ** _she_** **is** ** _winning_** **-**

 **Fire chases after her but she's too** ** _quick_** **-**

They all fall before her and Elpis. There's an empty feeling that remains as she stares at the men on the ground. She feels no remorse for what she's done yet there's a feeling of disappointment that runs through her.

She thinks nothing of it and praises Elpis for all that she's done.

Still, her heart beats at the slow rate it always has but she can't shake off the feeling of dread that creeps along her skin.

* * *

When she woke up, there is light. The light of warm blue eyes that are freckled with green flecks. It was like staring at the blue sky and the green forestry she had come to love.

That is to say, it was like staring at _home_.

 **A ancient castle with an air of magic.**

 **Hugs of curly hair, brown or sometimes black.**

 **And so much _more_ -**

And now eyes of blue.

The sky was as dark as ever and the moon was nowhere in sight but the stars shone down on her. However just not as bright as those blue eyes.

"Are you alright?" The voice of a male came out. It was soft and tender to her ears and she caught a slight bit of richness to it.

Her eyes widened in fear and she looked to her left and Elpis was no longer in sight - she was gone. Her magic was depleted from hiding from the men earlier and now one had finally caught up to her.

Briar jumped to her feet and with the wand she had stolen from one of the men; she pointed it at his throat in under less than a second.

"You men never catch a hint. do you? Does he know that I've gone and left?" The man's eyes were wide but she is harsh. She watches as the lovely light begins to fade from his eyes as her magic takes the oxygen surrounding him away.

 _After all, without harshness, what is she but a shell of person even she doesn't know herself?_

"I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you mean..?" And it's true, her magic tells her so and she takes a step back and drops to her knees. He does the same as he clutches his chest.

"I'm so sorry, so sorry..." She reiterates it over and over again.

She had just been about to torture this man in front of her and - and - she's _sosorry_ but words can't describe it. She's become a monster in her time in the forest.

Briar picks her crumpled self up and looks at the man with eyes of home and then **_runs_** -

* * *

She's no longer in the forest and her outfit is that of black slacks and a white button up blouse. She wears a pair of black flats and her hair is up in a messy ponytail.

It had taken a long while before her hospital gown had changed - **transfigured** \- into her current outfit and even longer for the twigs to become shoes and they were still uncomfortable.

Briar knows that she has to leave this country if she ever wants to escape from his men and she has a plan - an atlas in her mind - but first, there are things that need to be done.

With a pop, she is in a shabby bar. Leaky Cauldron, the sign reads.

"Hello, love. How can I help you?" Her head turns to the man and she sees that he is young - **_too young and not at all old_** \- and his teeth are white and straight and he wears a clean suit.

"Ah, could you escort me to Diagon Alley? I'm a bit new to England. I'm a Yank, you see." Her voice is somehow low but still boisterous. There's a tilt to her voice and it is _wrong_ but she just has to pretend for a bit longer.

"Ah, welcome then. Follow me and I'll show you right along." He goes to the back and she follows him to a blank wall made up of bricks. He turns to her and with a grin he says, "Here we are." And then he taps the wall and then the bricks dissipate and the wall opens up to a bustling crowd.

"Have a lovely day!"

"You too, sir!" And then she enters.

* * *

Briar slips in and out of shops, a purse full of items that she has no idea do, but knows that they will be useful. No one sees her and it's like she's a ghost.

 **Nearly Headless Nick. The Fat Friar. Peeves. The Bloody Baron. Helena Ravenclaw-**

As she's exiting, she catches sight of the date on a piece of newspaper: December 31st, 1923. Again, she feels wrong but she brushes it off as these days, there's not a time where things _don't_ feel wrong.

* * *

Enjoy and maybe leave a review? Also, I hope someone recognized the _Avengers: Infinity War_ references.


End file.
